What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
