Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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