i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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