Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize