it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
