Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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