Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
