At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
