Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
