It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
last night I used snow as a chaser
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