The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
