All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
