dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
