Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
