isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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