maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
