ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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