so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
