dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
