i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
