I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
