He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
