She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
