He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
