just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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