do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
