Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
