Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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