First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
two words...techno handjob
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
