I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
