i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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