I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Randomize
