My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
