Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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