I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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