We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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