You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
