every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
