We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
