Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
