I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We need to rekindle our bromance
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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