2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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