White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
