Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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