just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize