if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
