brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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