STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
