Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
even my farts smell like vagina
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
