I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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