I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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