Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Randomize
