It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
