she woke up with a sticky ear
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
