i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
