Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize