When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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