I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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