Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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