Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize