I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
