Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just puked most of my soul out..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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