I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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