Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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