dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
