the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
