idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
