even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
