dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
