Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
