thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
